Praying for Adult Children: What Scripture Teaches

Praying for our adult children is a common topic in Christian circles. Many Christian families have to deal with children who have left the faith or have chosen lifestyles opposed to the Bible. But there is hope! There is always hope with Jesus. Let me show you what I have found in Scripture that may help make prayers more effective.

Our Lifestyle Is Key To Answered Prayer

When we pray for our adult children, we often focus on areas in their lives that stray from Biblical teaching. But how many of us examine ourselves, wondering if our own disobedience might be short circuiting our prayers?

In the Bible we find clear and powerful teachings on how to ensure God hears our prayers. And when God hears our prayers, we can be confident that we will receive what we’ve asked for:

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of him.”(1 John 5:14-15)

“We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will.”(John 9:31)

Answered prayer begins with living within God’s will and asking according to His will, which is revealed in the Last Will and Testament of Jesus Christ; The New Testament.

1. Confess Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead. This is the first step to answered prayer.
2. Submit to God’s way of life. This doesn’t mean perfection, it means acknowledging that God’s way leads to our best life. As we study Scripture, we begin to see areas in need of change and this is when our free will choice comes in. Will we allow the Holy Spirit help us change in these areas or do we want to stubbornly hold on to our sin?

Idols Must Go In Order To Have Our Prayers Heard

We don’t talk much about idols when we think of praying for our adult children, but we should. We simply cannot have any idol or any god before our God. Which of course is commandment two.

“Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God..”(Ex 20:3-5)

In generations past, there were all sorts of idols. Different people groups would pray to “gods” like the sun “god” or moon “god” or even simply a wooden carved statue. I remember praying to a rabbit foot that was supposed to give good luck!

Money: Today’s #1 Idol

But we do have an idol today that many do not consider an idol- it’s money. Money is the god of this world and until we cherish a relationship with the Lord and trust Him more than money, we will run into roadblocks when it comes to our prayer life. Let’s take a look at what the book of Job says:

“Submit to God and be at peace with Him; in this way prosperity will come to you… If you consider your gold as dust, if you return to the Almighty, you will be restored… then the Almighty will be your gold, the choicest silver for you… You will pray to Him, and He will hear you.” (Job 22:21-27)

Agreeing with the teachings of the prophets and agreeing with the moral law or the Ten Commandments guides us towards the protected and prosperous life. Jesus came not to eliminate the Old Testament teachings or the Ten Commandments, but to cover us when we fall short. (We must also remember that prosperity means “well- being” in all aspects of life, not simply a healthy financial state.)

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.”(Matt 5:17)

Next we are taught to remove wickedness from our homes. What does God consider wicked? This is what Scripture states:

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.”(Eph 5:3-4)

Enough Is Enough

The message in the book of Job 22:21-27, reminds us that money, while necessary, should be viewed as common compared to our spiritual life. Overemphasis on wealth can erode family relationships, disconnect us from our children, and distract from relying on God, our ultimate source of health, wealth and well being.

There is a saying in the french culture: “juste ce qu’il faut“ that conveys “just what is needed or just enough.” Since my mom is French and I heard her say this after a meal when she was speaking to her family, I later learned this is a term that can be related to all aspects of life.

We can ask ourselves: How much is enough? How much work, clothing, toys, cars, vacations or square footage do we truly need? In our culture, bigger often seems better and we are encouraged to pursue more. Yet the constant pursuit of wealth and material possessions often comes at a cost.

The more we acquire, the more we must maintain. Larger homes, additional properties, boats and other possessions require time, energy and often the help of others to manage them. What we thought was a blessing turns into a burden.

As our responsibilities increase, so do the demands on our time. Hours spent earning, managing and maintaining can crowd out what matters most- time with our families and time with the Lord. In striving for more, we risk sacrificing the very relationships and spiritual depth that give life its true meaning. And our children sense where they fall in our list of priorities.

Work Diligently Keeping In Mind The Two Greatest Commandments

Therefore we should work diligently at our career, while keeping in mind that our job is to love people.

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”(Matt 22:26-40)

Therefore, in order to live in close proximity to the Lord, which oftentimes metaphorically described as being “on Mount Zion,” we cannot consider money our security or goal. It cannot be why we get up in the morning.

By examining our own lives before critiquing our adult children, we can determine if we have prioritized them and given them a reason to heed our advice.

“Is my life focused on loving the people God put in my life?” “Am I showing God how much I revere Him and love Him for the way He has blessed me- by what I focus on in life?”

When we stop being our own God: our own provider, healer, sustainer, symbol of hope, security and peace and instead model dependence on our Creator, our children will notice and many times follow suit.

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”(Deut 6:6-7)

How can we love the blessing of family if we are leaving home before they get up and arriving home after they are in bed. How can we love our children and spouse well, if our solicitude for riches comes at the expense of our family time?

An even deeper question would be, “Would God create an object deserving more time and attention than He?”

A Solidifying Teaching Moment For Me

While I was wrestling with how much to work as a single mother of two young daughters, God provided a powerful and clarifying experience:

I was walking to my car several years ago after grocery shopping and observed a little boy holding a toy his professionally dressed mother just bought him. He said, “mom let’s play with this together tomorrow.” To which the mother replied “I have to work tomorrow.” The little boy replied “why do you have to work so much?” And the mom retorted “So we can have a nice car like this!” ( as she was loading her groceries into a luxury vehicle.)

This brief exchange stayed with me because it demonstrated a painful truth in society today- when we pursue wealth and luxury over time with loved ones we are teaching our children that possessions matter more than them.

This scene reminded me to examine my own priorities before I begin to pray for my children. Am I living within God’s protective guidelines?  

Who Are We Living For?

The ultimate question we must ask ourselves is: Who are we actually living for, the applause of God or man?

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”(Gal 1:10)

Living for God Protects Our Families

Serving Christ aligns our lives with His will, bringing blessings and protection to our families:

“He who has clean hands and a pure heart… has not lifted up his soul to an idol… He shall receive blessing from the Lord, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.” (Psalm 24:4-5)

Wealth provides no guarantees. God, however, offers multiple blessings to those who consider their gold common and prioritize a close relationship with Him. Focusing on obedience and surrender, positions us perfectly for answered prayer.

As parents we are serving Christ, we are taking care of His children and therefore should be modeling what Jesus taught.

“He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,
Nor sworn deceitfully.
 He shall receive blessing from the Lord,
And righteousness from the God of his salvation.” (Ps 24:4-5)

Wealth provides no guarantees. But God offers multiple blessings to the person who considers their gold as something common and a relationship with Him precious. By focusing on Bible study daily, we learn how to live well. This positions us under the protective care of our heavenly Father who wants us to enjoy life on His path. Because His grace won’t always protect our finances, health, family and peace of mind if we choose our own way. Eventually we will suffer the consequences of our actions.

Therefore, if prayers for our adult children seem blocked, could it be that we placed an idol ahead of time with them? Have they sensed this, leaving them feeling little connection to us or the values we hold? If so, we can begin our life today, putting our emphasis on loving people well- especially our dear children. And God always rewards obedience with answered prayer.

“Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.”(1 John 3:21-22)

Food For Thought,

Lisa