Seven Powerful Ways To Be A Present Parent

The Costly Gift of Parental Presence

Children are a gift from the Lord, given to us to not only guide but to love and enjoy. “Behold children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” (Ps 127:3 ESV)

Truly loving our children requires more than simply providing for them and managing their days. It requires our presence, which is costly.

Managing Children Vs. Being Present

We are so busy these days that we easily fall into the task of managing our children; getting them to school on time, shuttling them to practice, reminding them to do their homework, eat their veggies, stop scrolling and get to bed. These things matter but they can keep us in checklist mode rather than truly connecting.

Being a present parent looks different. It means slowing down, minimizing our commitments and creating space for family time. A present parent intentionally limits a child’s activities- not out of restriction but to make space for family time.

Seven Ways To Be A Present Parent

1. Learn from God-fearing families: Observe families who have raised children who love and serve the Lord. “Walk with the wise and become wise.”(Prov 13:20)
2. Choose your friends wisely: Surround yourself with couples who share your values- those who find joy in parenting, family life and living for Jesus. The people closest to us shape our hearts.
3. Simplify your children’s schedules as much as possible: Limit sports or extracurriculars to one per season. Protect unhurried family time. “Be still and know that I am God. (Ps 46:10)
4. Establish healthy family routines: Structure brings peace. Create time to cook healthy meals, workout, worship etc. When children see you do these things, they will too when they leave the nest.
5. Read together every night: Reading aloud builds connection. When children begin reading independently, have them read to you. Later, limit their cell phone time in evening to leave 30 minutes to read a book before bed. This will enhance better sleep and provide conversation for the next day.
6. Learn from moms who chose home over career: Research women who stepped away from full time work to focus on motherhood. Interview those you know and ask about their regrets and victories.
7. Model behavior you wish to see: Treat your children the way you want them to treat you. Non rushed interaction, spontaneous time together as well as patience, kindness, respect and grace. “In everything set them an example by doing what is good.”(Titus 2:7)

The Research Backs Biblical Parenting

Child development research continually shows that connection, not performance, builds thriving children. Psychologist Dr. Dan Siegel and parenting expert Dr. Tina Payne Bryson emphasize in their book The Power of Showing Up that a parent’s attuned presence is one of the strongest predictors of a child’s emotional health.

Similarly, attatchment researcher Dr. Mary Ainsworth found that when parents consistently respond to their children with warmth and attention, those children develop stronger emotional security and resilience. In other words, when we are present, our children feel safe. And when they feel safe, loved and seen, they flourish in every aspect of life- social, academically, spiritually, physically and emotionally.

Following Jesus’ Slower Way

Jesus modeled this kind of slower unhurried love. When others saw children as interruptions, He saw them as treasures. “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14)

In the book of Genesis, we see Jacob choosing to travel slowly for the sake of the children and animals rather than keeping pace with his brother Esau. “Let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the flocks and herds before me and the pace of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir.” (Gen 33:14 NIV)

Jacob understood something many of us forget: children have less capacity. Jacob adjusted his journey to match that of the children rather than his own ambitions.

In our modern world, we often run our families at Esau’s speed- rushing from early daycare drop offs to late evening pick ups, filling every moment with structured activity. I remember as a child simply longing to go to 11am church service on Sunday rather than 9 to have at least one unhurried, unscheduled morning.

We tell ourselves that this busy schedule is “normal” and that kids are resilient and they’ll be fine. But forging on, we may overlook what their souls really need- unhurried time to simply be children. Many young adults today reach eighteen already weary- exhausted from years without rest, imagination or margin. It’s no surprise that so many return home later, seeking the nurture they missed while growing up.

How To Begin

We can begin to be more present with our families by simply saying “no” to another activity this season for both the adults and children. It might mean leaving work a little earlier, cutting back on hours and adjusting the budget. Whatever being present looks like for your family making time for it will never be a wrong decision.

Our time, attention and even the aimless hours spent at home when children watch us cook, fix the garbage disposal, clean the toilets- teach them that real life isn’t just a busy schedule and eating on the go- it’s about living and caring for all aspects of life: our home, car, belongings, animals and each other. These are quiet lessons they will absorb and remember forever.

Presence is personally costly—but priceless.

Food For Thought,

Lisa